This isn’t especially surprising to me as someone who finds nature very compelling and relaxing. Spending even a few minutes with the soft rustle of leaves, the chirp of birds and the fragrance and freshness of the outdoors can have a profound effect. After leg surgery a few years ago, in significant pain, I spent as much time as possible with my leg propped up sitting in the garden, absorbing the sights, sounds, and smells. It helped immensely. Perhaps this is why so many people enjoy gardening and outdoor recreation. I believe we are in some measure healing ourselves when we set aside the agenda’s and to-do lists that can create stress and allow ourselves to enjoy the moment. There are many tools we can use to reduce stress and promote healing and I consider time with nature to be one of them.

As I write this, it’s the middle of January in New Hampshire with plenty of snow and cold temperatures so the earthy smell is replaced by the fresh smell of snow and the outdoor plants are buried. I choose to have a number of large houseplants indoors to provide me with a sense of ongoing growth and life, and I enjoy a view of squirrels and birds around a variety of bird feeders outdoors.

In considering your environment, are there ways you can enhance your physical and emotional well-being through subtle changes to your environment? Perhaps orienting your desk or bed so you can enjoy a view of nature, or adding more color during the winter months, or designing an indoor or outdoor garden spot. If you have a moment, enjoy being creative!

Recently I was driving in the car with one of my sons and talking about health. Being a mom, this is a familiar subject to me as I want to encourage my sons to adopt a healthy lifestyle they can sustain as they move out into the world and live their lives. I’d noticed my older son had not been taking particularly good care of himself recently, so I asked him what might motivate him to make some positive changes. His response was that he’s very happy, quite healthy, and sees no current problem. In talking further he recognized he might some day not be as healthy as he’d like, but until he experienced pain of some kind he was unlikely to be motivated to change. While this is not an answer a mother particularly wants to hear, I respect his honesty and realize that for many of us, pain is our wake up call. Pain gives us an opportunity to stop, reflect and evaluate, and choose a new direction or vision for the life we want to lead.

Awhile ago, I was delighted to see a friend I hadn’t seen in years. He is a cancer survivor and has made dramatic changes in his life this past year. We talked about his painful ordeal of cancer treatment and his shifting view of his life. He certainly would not want to experience that pain again, but said he realized this experience was a catalyst for change. He recognized that he might not have a future and this caused him to begin planning and doing the things that were important to him as soon as he recovered enough strength. He is thankful to be alive and has found a peace and joy that eluded him before cancer.

Suppose we ask ourselves, what motivates us to change? Are we motivated by inspiration, pain, or both? When we experience pain, do we choose to respond to the pain by becoming bitter and angry? Or, are we willing to work with the pain and find a way to heal and move forward? What else motivates us toward positive change?

I remember years ago a mentor of mine presenting me with a choice in how to respond to a deeply painful event in my life. He more or less said to me, “You have a choice to make. You can choose to become bitter, or you can choose to work with this and let your broken heart be transformed and strengthened through your suffering.” It was clear he had no judgment of me; it was simply a choice I had to make. I chose to focus on transformation and strengthening and it is an ongoing journey that has changed my life.

I am not an advocate of pain. Long term, chronic pain can wear us down and sap our sense of hope and optimism. With intense physical pain it is important to find effective pain management that takes our overall health into account. With emotional pain we can receive supportive guidance and renew ourselves. Even when we are motivated to address our pain, it is important to find ways of taking a break, having some healthy fun, and remember why being alive feels worthwhile.

All pain obviously is not alike. There are many poignant moments for each of us that are significant and yet naturally weave themselves into the fabric of our lives without huge upheaval. Then there are those experiences that cause us to deeply question life and its purpose and meaning. These experiences can strip away our sense of significance in the day to day details of life, and can leave us feeling disoriented. It has been my experience that as I have survived, strengthened, and healed from these experiences, I have found a deeper sense of meaning, purpose, and appreciation for life. It is my hope that we can all experience as much joy and fulfillment in life as possible.

In your life, when emotional pain grips you, do you have supportive guidance to help you through it? Support and inspiration can come through counseling and psychotherapy, friends and mentors, inspiring books and teachers, nature, uplifting music, spiritual practices and prayers, and other avenues you find meaningful. It might be useful to ask yourself, what quality or qualities in you are being called upon to be strengthened to cope with this current situation? Is it courage, faith, strength, acceptance…? I wonder, when faced with bitterness or healing, which will you choose? It’s a choice that may change your life.

Currently there is an emerging interest in “mindfulness” and finding ways of clearing ourselves of the mental static we often have, so we can be fully present to the experience of the moment, whatever it may be. This can help us notice and appreciate more of those quiet moments of joy when we feel a sense of peace and acceptance. We may also notice pain we have been avoiding. By acknowledging and working constructively with the pain, we can help ourselves move through it to experience increased peace and acceptance.

It’s tempting to think life would be simpler if we could control more of the circumstances of our lives or escape them when we’ve had enough. Perhaps it would. On the other hand, we often do not see the opportunity and meaning a life situation can bring until we have experienced it and look back to try to make sense of the experience. Sometimes we need to learn some new tools in order to do this more effectively.

What helps you find peace, understanding and a sense of acceptance of who you are and how your life is unfolding? Are there additional tools that could help you notice and enhance moments of joy in your life? Here is one easy to use tool you can try, to increase your awareness and manage stress.

Once you’re familiar with this, it helps to close your eyes.
Begin by inhaling deeply. As you exhale slowly and thoroughly, begin by focusing on the top of your head and moving down through your body, imagine letting any tension you are holding, release and drain out your feet, into the earth.

Breathe in your nose deeply and exhale out your mouth. Notice your forehead relaxing, your jaw opening and dropping as tension drains out. Continue, noticing your neck soften (move it slowly to help relax if you like), and your shoulders drop and relax. Next, as you inhale and exhale, continue through your arms, chest and belly, allowing them to expand and then release and settle. Next breathe and relax your pelvis, then legs and feet. Go through your entire body 3 times.

Next, close your eyes and imagine yourself in a peaceful spot of your choosing. It can be an imagined spot or a place you’re familiar with. Feel the air on your skin, breathe deeply and notice the smells and sounds. Notice how safe and peaceful this place is for you. As you inhale, draw in the sense of peace you feel here. Spend some time experiencing this. If emotions bubble up, feel them, shed tears if you need to, then let the feeling pass on through, returning to your experience of acceptance, peace and safety. When you’re ready, slowly leave this spot to return to daily life, bringing this sense of peace with you.